How To Become Your Own Source Of Love, Approval and Fullness

By Melanie Tonia Evans

After recovering from narcissistic abuse, I became aware of the reasons why I had been ensnared in a relationship with a narcissist, and the many areas in my life where I wasn’t functioning healthily.

Up until recovering from narcissistic abuse I had no idea how to become a Source to myself, or even that I hadn’t been a Source to myself, because my ‘level of normal’ had simply been emotional survival. 

Moving forward meant really cleaning up the areas within myself where I had not been solid.

All of my life I had asked other people their opinion, or waited for other people’s direction, because I didn’t know how to follow my own heart, assert myself and then back myself.

All of my life I had asked other people their opinion, or waited for other people’s direction, because I didn’t know how to follow my own heart, assert myself and then back myself.

The real issue was: I didn’t know how to connect to my inner power - the only real guidance that knew what was best for me.

I had never known what it was like to really listen to, trust and follow my intuition

The only TRUE guidance which delivers the highest and the best for all of us.

In not trusting and following my own inner guidance, I had indeed paid a horrible price on many occasions.

I was a very generous person, but without good boundaries I was duped and deceived by love partners and business associates, and lost extreme amounts of money.

Additionally, I allowed family members to bully me into decisions that weren’t right for me, and to take over aspects of my life which led to me becoming severely disempowered.

All of these things happened because I believed other people had more wisdom about my life than I did.

Of course the results were bad. In fact they were terrible.

The older I got the more anxious, fearful and self-protecting I became. I lost confidence in life and other people – and worst of all I lost what little faith I did have in myself.

After recovering from narcissistic abuse, and working hard on my inner self, I knew that continuing to be disconnected from myself was not an option anymore.  

I needed to become a Source to myself, which meant becoming a TRUE state of self-love, self-approval and ‘fullness’.

I searched high and low to find the material that would help me connect to myself. Ester Hicks channelling Abraham was one of the many resources I loved connecting to. I read countless books and tried many different exercise suggestions to find out what would really help me.

I did regular meditation and spent much time ‘going within’. I applied many principles of Law of Attraction to my Quanta Freedom Healings and received incredible shifts within myself as a result

I discovered so many things, but these 3 things stuck out as being vital in regard to becoming a Source to self:

1. Learn how to master and take control of your own feelings

It is so important to understand the following…

Your life is not unfolding in relation to how you would like to think it will go. Rather, your life is unfolding according to your inner belief systems.

How do we know what our inner belief systems are up to?

By getting incredibly intimate with, and deeply partnering with our emotions. Your emotions are how 

your inner belief systems communicate with you.

Here is the sticking point…

We were all taught to ignore, dismiss and separate from our emotions. This is what caused us to focus outwards trying to find something or someone to take away our inner emotional pain (faulty belief systems) for us. 

Unfortunately this strategy simply meant we would be delivered more pain from ‘the outside’.

The truth about our belief systems is: whatever we lock up inside of ourselves (disowned painful emotions / faulty belief systems) will keep presenting to us through life. 

If we disown our emotions, we react when our unhealed parts get triggered and in these instances we hand our power over and end up being controlled by everything and everyone else. We forfeit our own ability to control our own life.

However, once we go within and face our emotional pain, we can release the faulty beliefs and learn how to self soothe and manage our emotions.  Then life starts to ‘show up’ completely differently for us, and we are completely different in life.

It is incredibly important as an evolving being – IN FACT, ESSENTIAL - to learn how to be with, connect to and become intimately loving, supportive and comfortable with your emotions, as this is where the entire creation of your life is REALLY going on.

2. Understanding that your emotional charge creates your reality.

The truth is you are connected to Source Energy, which means everything you desire is already available for you. The only thing holding you separate from what your desire in life is, is your vibrational resonance (inner belief systems) not matching.

Until we become conscious and heal our unhealed parts, it is common to be living the illusion of separation. In this state we don’t believe we can trust life, and we certainly don’t know how to trust 

ourselves.

This is all part of fearful and painful survival programs, which have taken hold and accumulated deep within our subconscious mind (the cellular network throughout our entire body).  The older we get the more intense, dense and ingrained these faulty beliefs become.

Whilst operating through survival beliefs, we feel that life and living necessitates strategies to survive. We believe that life doesn’t have our back, and that there is NOT a stream of well-being which we are connected to, or deserve to experience.

All of these false premises are born out of the illusion of separation, and the more separated we are from the inherent stream of well-being, which is our natural state to live as, the more it hurts.

The greater the ‘gap’ the greater negative emotion is suffered.

There may be certain areas of your life where you don’t suffer a ‘gap’ of disconnection. These areas of your life flow easily for you.

It is the areas of your life where you experience repeated frustrations or even devastations with, that indicate where you are separated from well-being the most.

Once you clean up these particular faulty beliefs, and feelings of unworthiness, the well-being and manifestations of what you do wish to experience will start entering your life.

The following exercise is going to allow you to identify some of your most powerful negative belief 

systems that are holding you back from creating your wonderful life.

Belief system exercise:

Step 1: Write a list of 3 things you want in your life the most but haven’t experienced yet.

Step 2: Take some time to feel into these 3 things and write down how you feel about achieving each one (write as much as you can - up to 1 page on each).

An example: I want to run my own business.  When I feel into this, I know I am scared that I won’t be good enough, and that I might fail. I am frightened that other people will say ‘I told you so.’ I am also frightened that my family will judge me if I lose money in this business. I know I have many feelings which are fearful and in resistance to this dream. I know these fearful feelings are blocking it becoming real for me.

Step 3: Reframe this belief system into an empowered one by taking some time to feel and imagine yourself achieving the 3 things you wish to experience. Imagine yourself operating from your authentic power which has the ability and resources to achieve anything in your life that you want.

An example:  I want to run my own business. When I feel into this I feel an enormous desire to fulfil this dream. I know that my desire along with aligning my beliefs with this outcome will create it as a reality for me.  If so many other people can do it… why can’t I?  

I know that if I dig deep into these beliefs and work at shifting them, that I could be free to really feel and know that this dream is possible for me. I know that there are other areas of my life which feel so simple for me and that they DO just work. I believe that if this desire in me is so strong, then it is not a mistake and that life DOES have the resources to co-create this dream with me.

3. Recognising that you alone are the creator of your life – you are a Creator.

When you are disconnected from yourself you believe that someone or something must provide your wonderful life for you. In order to become a Source to yourself, you need to realise that you alone are the Creator of your reality. 

When we are living through the confusion of our mind, we continually look for ‘data’ outside of us, instead of aligning with the solid resources inside of us. 

As co-dependents we weren’t taught to value or validate our emotional guidance system. Instead we ignored our inner knowing, and discounted intuition and inner cues.

As a result we were often in survival programs, operating from our inner unhealed parts and associated fearful emotional wounds. Little did we know that making decisions based in reaction, survival, fear or pain would lead us to decisions which only brought more survival strategies, fear, disappointment and pain.

We had not realised that when we heal on the inside and create our own powerful Inner Identity, we make decisions based on love, empowerment and inspiration which yield positive results.

When we become conscious and do the inner work, we can understand exactly how we were unconsciously creating our painful past, and how we can turn it all around to create an entirely different future.

Here is an affirmation exercise:

Before going to sleep tonight repeat the following affirmation to yourself for 5 minutes:

“I am in the process of becoming the Creator of my reality. I have the power to consciously create my wonderful life.” 

If you want you can continue this affirmation process for the next 7 days.

By using Quanta Freedom Healing, as I did with healing from the hooks of the narcissist, I explored my inner defunct programs around not being a Source to myself, found them, embraced them and shifted them out one by one.

I found the deep core reasons as to why I didn’t trust myself, why I was handing my power over, and why I thought other people were a much better authority than I was regarding my life.

I worked inwards and onwards, and discovered many of the core beliefs about how people would shun me and abandon me if I didn’t fit into their expectations of me.

This led me to the discovery of many of my co-dependent tendencies that were still playing a huge part in why I was continually experiencing pain in my life.

I realised that in nearly all of my relationships I was putting others needs before my own, catering to their every need for love and approval and suppressing my own needs as if they were of secondary importance. The problem was, this didn’t make people love me more – it simply led people to continue walking all over me and using me.

I also realised that I had deep core beliefs that I needed a man to fulfill me and make me happy. During my narcissistic relationships, my partners were the centre of my universe (which I am sure you can relate to). The problem was, I didn’t have interests of my own that brought me joy or happiness and I was subconsciously hoping a man would come into my life to provide it for me.

Becoming a Source to myself was a huge step in my journey to claiming my authentic power and beginning my dream life, but there was still much more work to do.

In the next email I will be talking about my journey from co-dependency to independency and will share how I worked on releasing my co-dependent tendencies.

It is going to be a very exciting email because once you become a Source to yourself and make the journey to independency, everything starts to change

You’re going to love it! :) 

Much Love xo