I’ve definitely suffered from this in my life.
It's healed a lot, but it flares up from time to time.
What wrong with pleasing people?
It all depends on where that pleasing is coming from. If it’s a genuine sharing/giving/responding/loving/respecting, etc., obviously nothing at all!
The people-pleasing ‘virus’ I’m referring to is one that comes from a less true or healthy place - a pleasing that may stem from fear, a lack of self-worth, sacrifice, seeking approval, giving to get, the avoidance of possible judgment/being disliked/rocking the boat, etc.
The people-pleasing virus actually hinders your capacity to give and serve, because it compromises your integrity and risks you placing being approved over being true. The greatest gift you ever have to give is YOU.
If you dilute yourself trying to please another, be that a person, family, peer group, etc. (either overtly in what you say/do or covertly in what you don't) you are no longer respecting and honouring yourself, and if you are not honouring yourself, you will not be doing so to any other either.
The people-pleasing virus blocks you from showing up and expressing your true self, from being all that you are and all you came to be, from living a life of truth, aligned to your values, principles and preferences.
You don’t help people by agreeing with them inauthentically, or tolerating or turning a blind eye to something you feel is inappropriate, etc.
Disagreeing and saying no can be very much a part of loving and respecting both yourself and another.
What’s more, the only way you’re going to find people that are a best fit for you is to be that you and abide by your truth.
What wrong with pleasing people?
It all depends on where that pleasing is coming from. If it’s a genuine sharing/giving/responding/loving/respecting, etc., obviously nothing at all!
The people-pleasing ‘virus’ I’m referring to is one that comes from a less true or healthy place - a pleasing that may stem from fear, a lack of self-worth, sacrifice, seeking approval, giving to get, the avoidance of possible judgment/being disliked/rocking the boat, etc.
The people-pleasing virus actually hinders your capacity to give and serve, because it compromises your integrity and risks you placing being approved over being true. The greatest gift you ever have to give is YOU.
If you dilute yourself trying to please another, be that a person, family, peer group, etc. (either overtly in what you say/do or covertly in what you don't) you are no longer respecting and honouring yourself, and if you are not honouring yourself, you will not be doing so to any other either.
The people-pleasing virus blocks you from showing up and expressing your true self, from being all that you are and all you came to be, from living a life of truth, aligned to your values, principles and preferences.
You don’t help people by agreeing with them inauthentically, or tolerating or turning a blind eye to something you feel is inappropriate, etc.
Disagreeing and saying no can be very much a part of loving and respecting both yourself and another.
What’s more, the only way you’re going to find people that are a best fit for you is to be that you and abide by your truth.
Seek not to be accepted, seek to
be you,
and accept yourself for who you are.
and accept yourself for who you are.
Being
conscious helps. You get to reflect, to question, to seek out hidden
intentions.
What feeds the people-pleasing virus?
Fear for one. Fear of judgment, rejection, losing someone, risking confrontation or an argument, being seen as different/ not fitting in, being disliked, etc.
Feeling unworthy and not good enough can also lead to people-pleasing where you may place other people’s happiness/value and values, etc. above your own.
If you’ve had a ‘not enough’ belief in some way, you may also seek to attain that ‘enoughness’ through the validation of others, which is, of course, a futile quest.
What feeds the people-pleasing virus?
Fear for one. Fear of judgment, rejection, losing someone, risking confrontation or an argument, being seen as different/ not fitting in, being disliked, etc.
Feeling unworthy and not good enough can also lead to people-pleasing where you may place other people’s happiness/value and values, etc. above your own.
If you’ve had a ‘not enough’ belief in some way, you may also seek to attain that ‘enoughness’ through the validation of others, which is, of course, a futile quest.
Self-esteem comes from within: no amount of approval or
validation ‘out there’ will ever give it to you.
People-pleasing
can also stem from feelings of guilt and shame, from sacrifice, from family
patterns/ learned behaviour, etc.
For some of you people-pleasing can be rooted in a lack of boundaries (certainly has been with me) . If highly sensitive or overly empathic, you may experience other’s discomfort/pain/disappointment/anger, etc. to such an extent that you attempt to avoid that experience through appeasing behaviour.
Don’t be hard on yourself or others if you spot the people-pleasing virus. It’s love that's needed, not judgment.
Being loved and accepted, belonging, etc., are very natural core human needs and desires. If those needs aren't met within, weren't met as a child, etc. there can be strong urges for quelling them externally. It's not surprising people-pleasing is a bit of a human epidemic, and one it's easy to have compassion and understanding for.
Breaking free from the people-pleasing virus isn’t about not having consideration or empathy for other people’s feelings.
Unkindness, judgments, being rude, disrespectful, hurtful, etc. under the banner of ‘authenticity’ is just making an excuse for the negative ego.
The best people-pleasing virus healer is self-love. Self-love sets you free and allows you to express and be more of all that you are in truth and integrity.
For some of you people-pleasing can be rooted in a lack of boundaries (certainly has been with me) . If highly sensitive or overly empathic, you may experience other’s discomfort/pain/disappointment/anger, etc. to such an extent that you attempt to avoid that experience through appeasing behaviour.
Don’t be hard on yourself or others if you spot the people-pleasing virus. It’s love that's needed, not judgment.
Being loved and accepted, belonging, etc., are very natural core human needs and desires. If those needs aren't met within, weren't met as a child, etc. there can be strong urges for quelling them externally. It's not surprising people-pleasing is a bit of a human epidemic, and one it's easy to have compassion and understanding for.
Breaking free from the people-pleasing virus isn’t about not having consideration or empathy for other people’s feelings.
Unkindness, judgments, being rude, disrespectful, hurtful, etc. under the banner of ‘authenticity’ is just making an excuse for the negative ego.
The best people-pleasing virus healer is self-love. Self-love sets you free and allows you to express and be more of all that you are in truth and integrity.
That self–love may be an ongoing, ever deepening journey.
Much love,
Aine Belton
GlobalLoveProject.com
No comments:
Post a Comment